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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I decide to head to the park by the Hron River. It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. I’m trying to enjoy nature, and they’re yelling like it’s the World Cup. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a game!” But then I see one kid score a goal, and I can’t help but smile. Kids have that magic, right?

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